Family constellations and systemic work are becoming increasingly well-known and popular. You may have heard of them or even experienced them yourself. Still, there is sometimes a vague aura surrounding them, often due to a lack of understanding. What exactly does it involve, and what happens in such a setting? Here we present the most important facts and myths about family constellations here. But be sure to come and experience it for yourself!

Establishing Relationships

But what exactly is a "constellation"? At Practice we regularly use this method to explore the unconscious layer of health or personal issues.  A family constellation is a proven systemic coaching method where you literally place people and situations in a space to experience how they relate to each other. Even a single session that begins with a simple question can set a lot in motion mentally, emotionally, and physically. However, many people are not familiar with this method, and there is still a relatively high threshold to try it. Especially since we live in a society in which we try to overanalyse everything and our first reflex is trying the understand a situation or problem. In systemic work, we deliberately steer away from a cognitive approach and instead focus on feeling what is happening.

1. A family constellation is not just about family

Correct, contrary to what the name might suggest. It could also involve problems with a difficult colleague, dynamics in your relationship with your teammates or vague physical complaints that arise just before an exciting event. We set up and explore these obstacles in the session. However, many roles and relationships with people and things outside the family can still be traced back to childhood. How you related to your parents, siblings, grandparents, and how they related to each other in the early years of your life often has a lasting, unconscious influence on your current thoughts and behaviors. Even dynamics or life events from generations ago can have an impact in your life right now. 

2. I'm a thinker and like to understand what's going on, so such a session is too vague for me

A family constellation can be beneficial for anyone. For those who are often in their heads, it can offer new perspectives. No preparation or prior knowledge is needed. In fact, the less biased and unprepared you are, the greater the insight can be afterward.The facilitator will tailor their approach to what you need, what you're ready for, and what you have the capacity to handle. This can sometimes be confronting or even too much for that moment. In such cases, it's wise to reach a certain insight or change in multiple steps. It all depends on where you are in your developmental process. Everyone who participates can gain new insights, even those who simply acted as representatives in someone else's constellation around their question or problem. Often, it's no coincidence that you end up in a particular position.

3. A stranger doesn't know me and cannot possibly understand what's going on inside me

When you set up the situation and people in the space, your body responds automatically. Each body in the constellation indicates something: discomfort, anger, fear, or love. It’s magical to see how others, without any prior knowledge or acquaintance, can perfectly empathize with others and experience and express the energy of that person flawlessly at that moment. The method behind the family constellation essentially facilitates stepping out of your head, looking at the 'movie' of your own life and simply feeling. As many facilitators conclude, even after decades of experience: “How it works doesn’t matter; the fact that it provides insight is undeniable.”

4. There's a lot of talking like in therapy sessions, and I don’t like that

The opposite is true. In a family constellation, there is little talking. The case is briefly discussed with the facilitator before the constellation starts. Then, the focus shifts to the power of not (over)talking, but letting people move in the space to clarify struggles. It is amazing how a single constellation, which takes about an hour, can have such an impact on someone’s situation. These effects couldn’t be achieved with ten hours of coaching conversations. The best part is that there’s no need for a debriefing afterward. Talking about it could only weaken the effect. After a session, you can just let everything settle and notice what it has brought about in due course.

5. Restlessness arises in almost everyone because a situation or person is not seen or allowed to be seen

That’s true. And sometimes people are entirely unaware of what they’re not seeing or what isn’t allowed to be seen. But that can be a major source of anger, sadness, or joy. A family constellation makes the invisible visible. Not only is the situation, relationship, or obstacle seen as it is, but the people involved also become clearly visible in the constellation. A system, a family, or a society does everything to avoid excluding anyone or anything; that's human nature, that's the underlying energy. But sometimes there’s a blind spot, and what has been hidden or banished continues to intrude into someone’s life in the strangest ways. It’s like trying to push a ball underwater. At some point, it will inevitably pop back up. That’s what you can achieve with a constellation: see that ball and let it float.

Taking the Step

This may have provided some clarity on the questions you had. Ultimately, the only way to truly understand what it can mean for you is to experience it yourself. Keep an eye on our activities! If you find it intimidating to participate in a large group with strangers, systemic work can also be done in a smaller, one-on-one setting.

Hope to meet you soon!